Greatest joy in life...

Hello.

So, if you had asked me a week or so ago what my greatest joy in life was it might have taken me some time to answer. I would think about it, go through everything that makes me happy, everything that I love doing, everything that I have done and it would still be a hard decision for me.

Ask me now...go ahead. Ask me. No really...ask.

*You* "What is your greatest joy in life, Jaimie?"

*Me* "Well, funny you should ask, because I've been thinking about this! I'll just tell you. Thanks for asking!"

I realized my greatest joy in life this past week on the beach being with family and...more family. And that is...making my family laugh, making them happy, and/or making them smile. Especially when it's my dad, mom, or sister. I LOVE the beach and so being there, I was just so happy, then you throw family into the mix and my week was complete. I thought I couldn't be happier. Then I said something one night and my family was laughing (not at me..but with me..i swear. ok i hope) and I was just so happy and content in that moment that I didn't want it to end. I loved watching them laugh, I loved laughing with them, I loved being the one that made them laugh. I looked over and my dad was laughing and everything just felt...perfect. I realized right then and there that nothing made me happier than making my family happy.

Christian fail...

Hello.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm a complete failure at being a Christian. I don't compare to some of the amazing people out there. They're just so at peace with where they are at in life and they are so in love with God and it shows. Everyday feels like turmoil between choices I've made and the Christian I can and should be.

This past school year, there were times that I pushed God so far away and I started becoming someone I was not. I acted different than my thoughts and slowly my thoughts changed too. I knew some of the things I did were bad, but I kept doing them because they were fun. It took a lot of love from my sister and some supportive loving friends for me to realize that this wasn't go work and it needed to stop. I worried that the thoughts and actions had become habits and I wasn't going to be able to change, new people I met would never know the real me. But, last week 2 people made comments that gave me hope. One person said (this is definitely not exact quote bc I don't remember exactly what they said), "Do you ever cry? You are always happy. You are like a robot set on constant happy mode." (sorry if I messed that up). And my dad said (after an incident with a friend), "You are one of the most patient people I know. I would have dumped her as a friend a looong time ago."

I didn't change :) I'm still the happy me...and I'm still the girl that gives people more chances than I probably should because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings even if mine are being hurt and because I just want everyone to be happy. I'm still here...I just have some dirt I need to wipe off.