Sometimes I just feel like I'm a complete failure at being a Christian. I don't compare to some of the amazing people out there. They're just so at peace with where they are at in life and they are so in love with God and it shows. Everyday feels like turmoil between choices I've made and the Christian I can and should be.
This past school year, there were times that I pushed God so far away and I started becoming someone I was not. I acted different than my thoughts and slowly my thoughts changed too. I knew some of the things I did were bad, but I kept doing them because they were fun. It took a lot of love from my sister and some supportive loving friends for me to realize that this wasn't go work and it needed to stop. I worried that the thoughts and actions had become habits and I wasn't going to be able to change, new people I met would never know the real me. But, last week 2 people made comments that gave me hope. One person said (this is definitely not exact quote bc I don't remember exactly what they said), "Do you ever cry? You are always happy. You are like a robot set on constant happy mode." (sorry if I messed that up). And my dad said (after an incident with a friend), "You are one of the most patient people I know. I would have dumped her as a friend a looong time ago."
I didn't change :) I'm still the happy me...and I'm still the girl that gives people more chances than I probably should because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings even if mine are being hurt and because I just want everyone to be happy. I'm still here...I just have some dirt I need to wipe off.
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