Hello.

I tried to find a four leaf clover for luck,

But then I realized I only needed God for blessings.

I tried to pretend I had powers to fix what I couldn’t,

But then I realized I had God to care for me and fix the things I shouldn’t.

The Rocket Summer

Hello.

The Rocket Summer recently came out with a new cd. I loved their 1st one, but this one is A-MA-ZING! He intertwines his faith in almost all of his lyrics this song being one of them:

OF MEN AND ANGELS:

STOP THE PRESS, EVERYTHING A MESS. YOU CAN LOOK ALIVE, BUT YOU ARE NOT AT REST,

AND IDEAS ARE FLOWING THROUGH YOUR HEAD, A MILLION MILES AN HOUR WHILE

LYING IN YOUR BED. A LUCID LIFE, YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU’D LEAD. ARE YOU WORKING

EVERY DAY? ARE YOU WORKING JUST TO BLEED? I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW,

I KNOW. / STARING AT THE NAMES OF THE FAMED THAT ARE DIPPED IN GOLD, AND

FEELING YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU HEARD, BUT IT DOESN’T GO THAT WAY. THE TONGUES

OF MEN AND ANGELS I SPEAK BUT LACK LOVE. OH LOVE, WILL I STAB YOU IN THE BACK?

WORKING EVERY DAY I’M AFRAID I FORGOT TO SHOW WHAT’S MOST IMPORTANT…

LOVE. / HERE I AM DEAR LORD, TASTING HINTS OF FAME. AND I DON’T WANT

IT ANYMORE IF IT’S NOT YOU THAT I GAIN. I WANNA FALL AT YOUR FEET, AND NOT JUST

FALL FROM YOUR PEACE. I UNDERSTAND. / HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THE MAN THAT JUST

RAN WHEN YOU KNEW THAT GOD WAS TALKING? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD HIS VOICE

THROUGH THE NOISE, BUT JUST LET IT FLOAT AWAY? / THE TONGUES OF MEN AND ANGELS

I SPEAK BUT LACK LOVE. OH LOVE, WILL I STAB YOU IN THE BACK? HOW COME I

GO WITH MINE INSTEAD OF YOURS, WHEN YOURS IS ALWAYS RIGHT? I’M SORRY, PLEASE

POUR INTO ME LOVE. / HERE I AM DEAR LORD, TASTING HINTS OF FAME. AND I DON’T

WANT IT ANYMORE IF IT’S NOT YOU THAT I GAIN. I WANNA FALL AT YOUR FEET, AND

NOT JUST FALL FROM YOUR PEACE. I UNDERSTAND. / A HEART AT REST IS HARDER NOW,

DON’T LET IT GO AWAY. HARD EARNED PAY OR HARD EARNED PAIN? RIGHT NOW THEY

ARE JUST THE SAME. WHAT’S THE USE, WHY WORK SO HARD WHEN IT’S NOT WHAT

YOU CRAVE? WHEN WHAT YOU NEED – IS LOVE. / HERE I AM DEAR LORD, TASTING

HINTS OF FAME. AND I DON’T WANT IT ANYMORE IF IT’S NOT YOU THAT I GAIN. I WANNA

FALL AT YOUR FEET, AND NOT JUST FALL FROM YOUR PEACE. I UNDERSTAND.

Pain...

Hello.

So my freshman or sophomore year of high school I started having pain in my lower, right abdomen (lower right quadrant or right iliac quadrant for any doctors out there). It was thought that maybe I had appendicitis and so they did a test, negative, did another test to make sure they didn't miss anything, negative, did a couple more, all negative. They then told me it was probably just a deep muscle pull and it would eventually go away. I'm almost done with my sophomore year of college and it is still there. Still pain, but now after hurting my right side for a little bit it decides to spread across my entire lower abdomen. It feels like menstrual cramps and sometimes acts like them, making my lower back hurt and my upper thighs, and if I have the pain more than once a day, it gets worse each time. I'm not so sure this is just a muscle pull...

It seemed to go away for a little bit and then suddenly these past couple weeks it has been awful. I am in pain almost all day, everyday. The other day I woke up, got out of bed, and ended up standing, bent over, next to my bed, unable to move because it hurt so much. I'm not sure what else Dr.'s can do since I've had a gajillion different tests. I worry I'll be in pain forever. Another day I just laid in bed and cried and begged God to make it all just go away, my headaches, my stomach pains, everything. Then a thought creeped into my head and I began to wonder if maybe I just deserved all this pain, maybe this was God's way of punishing me for the bad choices I've made in life. Then I started getting mad at God for putting me through all of this. There are people who have done things far worse than me and they don't have to go through this. Why me?

I sat there and felt sorry for myself for awhile and then began to feel bad for blaming God for this and being mad at him. I'm not excited about being in pain, but Romans 5:3-5 says "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

I don't enjoy pain and have never been able to tolerate it very well, but I think I can deal with it for the rest of my short life until I get to spend an eternity pain free.

Child-like

Hello.

I am often accused of being childish.

I prefer to interpret that as child-like.

I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things.

I tend to exaggerate and fantasize and embellish.

I still listen to instinctual urges.

I play with leaves.

I skip down the street and run against the wind.

I never water my garden without soaking myself.

It has been after such times of joy

that I have achieved my greatest creativity and produced my best work.

~Leo F. Buscaglia

Fears...

Hello.

Well, I have a few fears and lately they all decided to show up one right after the other. It's really cool. I enjoyed it a lot (I am most definitely being sarcastic).

I have this weird fear of being alone. I don't know why because I have never been alone and I know I never will be, but it's still this fear that sits in the back of my mind. I think it may stem from a fear of being left out or behind which has happened to me. It occurs when I am in a group of friends. There are 3 of us and some how I always end up being the one left out of inside jokes the other 2 have or left out of plans (maybe it isn't just me...maybe the other 2 feel that sometimes too and I am only feeling sorry for myself (which is a very good possibility...i'm not ruling it out)). I think part of it is also that it really truly happened once a long time ago (like elementary school with my 2 best friends) and I just have a big fear that it will happen again so I over think things, read into them too much, worry about it too much, and then think it may be happening when it really isn't.

I have a very big fear of clowns. Again, I have no idea why. They were recently (and for an extremely brief period of time) in a movie I watched and then they showed up again in a picture someone was showing me. I have no real reason to be afraid of clowns (at least none that I can remember). Every time I see one, though, my stomachs drops and I get really nauseous. I remember one time, a few years ago, I went to Valentino's with my aunt and uncle and there was a clown there giving out animal balloons and my cousin wanted one. So the clown came over and was making her one but I could not even look in the general direction of it and I started shaking a little bit and I thought I was going to be sick. I think at one point it asked if I wanted it to make me anything and I couldn't respond with words, I just shook my head and kept my eyes down.

My biggest fear is of spiders. The bigger they are the worse it is. My fear is definitely not as bad as my grandmother's though. There was one in my room the other day. My roommate and I screamed a little (woke up one of our suitemates which I still feel really bad about) and we had to get another girl to come in and squish it because we wouldn't go any further into our than the doorway until it was dead and gone. At the time it seemed huge, but when I think back, I don't think it was really all that big at all.

What if...

Hello.

Dave Pelzer came to MSU and talked to a large group of people yesterday evening. If you don't know, Dave Pelzer is the author of the book _A Child Called "It"_. I myself have never read this book or any of his other books, but I know it is about him as a child with an abusive, alcoholic, mentally unstable mother and the atrocities she put him through. When I went to the talk I thought he was going to talk about a lot of those things, but they were a very, very minor part of his speech. One of the topics he talked about was to not look back and think constantly "What if...". This is definitely something that pertains to me. He said that if you constantly look back and think "Well, what if I had/hadn't done this..." or "What if I had/hadn't said this..." you will see only your past and you will never be able to see the present and you will never be able to reach your full potential.

I am constantly thinking these things. I am very guilty. There are so many times I think to back to things and think "What if I had turned and looked him in the eyes that day...", "What if I had said 'yes' or 'no' to this situation...", "What if I hadn't told my best friend the truth...". Things happen for a reason. I may not have made the best choice in life, but it's all part of God's big, perfect plan. If I had done anything any differently it wouldn't be what wanted. The choices we make mold us into the people we are today, and they only continue to mold us.

Bam.

Hello.

I know I already put up something today but...I had to put this up too. It's just too good.

http://www.prevailmagazine.org/how-archaeology-proves-the-bible/

Read it. It's great.

Hello.

I took a personality test today (well actually 4). Basically, what it came down to, was the fact that I have an extremely diverse personality.

The 1st test we looked over was the Multiple Intelligence Test (Just all about you: comparing your childhood experiences with today's experiences) and my two highest scores were Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence (she said this shows up quite a bit with people who were very active when they were young and involved in a lot of sports-oh wait...that's me!) and Spatial Intelligence (being able to manipulate the inner and outer visual-spatial worlds through art, visualization, and/or visual thinking). My lowest ended up being Intrapersonal Intelligence.

The 2nd test was over work values that I look for/care for. I care for Health (work in which I can maintain good health), Lifestyle (work that lets me live the way I want to live and be the person I want to be), and Security (work in which there is little fear of losing the job). The lowest score for things I care about are Competition (work that has a rivalry for honors or prizes) and Recognition (work where I receive attention and disapproval).

The 3rd test was the Self-Directed Search Test. There are 3 groups with 2 summary codes that are used to discover your special pattern of interests, self-estimates, and competencies. Usually people have at least 2 summary codes from one group...nope...I had 1 summary code from each group. I was the combination "ASI" which stands for Artistic, Investigative, and Social. I have artistic, innovative, or intuitive abilities and like to work in unstructured situations using my imagination and creativity. I like to observe, learn, investigate, analyze, evaluate, or solve problems. I like to work with people-to inform, enlighten, help, train, develop, or cure them.

The 4th test was the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Test. There are 4 scales and creating 16 possible types of people. I ended up having the most "rare" combination-"ENFP". Under the energy category I got the "E" which stands for Extroversion (I prefer to focus on the outer world of people and things). Under the Gather Information category I got the "N" which stands for Intuition (I tend to focus on the future, with a view towards patterns and possibilities). Under the Decisions category I got the "F" which stands for Feeling (i tend to base my decisions primarily on values and on subjective evaluation of person-centered concerns). Under the Lifestyle category I got the "P" which stands for Perceiving (I like a flexible and spontaneous approach to life and prefer to keep my options open).

So basically, my personality is all over the board.

Hello.

Sooo...I have been going crazy lately thinking about Myrtle Beach. It has been on my mind everyday for at least the past couple of months. Everyday that gets closer I get more and more excited. It has 2 of my top 10 favorite things that make me happy (see previous blog with list): Beach and FAMILY!!!!!! I'm so excited to see all the Johnson side of the family :) every single time we've gotten together it has just been a blast hanging out with everyone and getting to see everyone. I miss them all. It's like I'm getting beacheritis (like senioritis...but for the beach instead for graduation).

And last time I got a great tan...

Hello.

Just 6 more weeks...

Hello.

6 more weeks. I have to keep telling myself that. My brain and body are done. Done with school, done with Springfield, done with everything. They are trying to shut off but I have to keep making them work when I don't want to because...I have 6 more weeks. I'm starting to get that anxious feeling in my stomach again. I hate when I get that, but I can't do anything to make it go away. I have no idea why I get this feeling to be honest. Sometimes it could be the most relaxing day I've had in a long time and I get that feeling. It's weird. Sometimes just thinking about summer I get that feeling....but I do have a long busy summer ahead of me. It'll all be good though. Just 6 more weeks.