Hello.
“Wives submit yourselves unto your husbands…”
Ah the controversy over that verse. No matter what version of the Bible one reads, the verse is often ignored by people who believe Paul was just a male chauvinist, while others base their entire marriage around it.
I chose this topic because my Dad and I were in the car when a woman on KGBI 100.7 started talking about it (I believe the big topic was marriage as a whole), and it really caught my attention.
NIV: 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
KJV: 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
“Submit.” What does God mean with this word? Why did he choose such a powerful word? The One interpretation could be that women should be servant-like towards their husbands. They should stay at home, cooking and cleaning and doing whatever their husbands say. There are probably those who would agree with this interpretation.
To be honest…I don’t agree with this interpretation. Now, I am not saying that no woman should ever lift a finger, she should never clean, do laundry, or cook. I’m not saying that if her husband asks her to do something her response should automatically be, “Heck no! I am not your servant!” I am saying that should not be only her job. It is not her house, it is their house. It is not solely her duty to clean and take care of everything. The husband should help as well. He has hands; he can clean up the dishes some nights after dinner, he can even cook dinner every once and a while! I see this example in my own father. He and my mom share in everything; housework, money, choices, etc. My mom is never left to cook and have dinner on the table by 5, and then clean the dishes afterwards while my dad sits in the living room reading a newspaper and watching football. When decisions are made, I know my Dad never says, “Well this is how I want it and since I am the head of the household, you will do as I say.” It is always an agreement.
The woman on KGBI made a good point as well. She said that the woman should not be taken for granted. She holds so much power in her hands in the marriage. It is amazing how much power the woman, wife, mother (however she is labeled) has to either make or break the man and even the marriage. To “submit” is not for her to be a servant in her own home, but is an exhortation to her to build her husband up; paint him as best she can for her children, her community, and her church. She should be there and support him, to encourage him as he builds up not himself, but his family; his children. She talked about how her dad came to her one day and told her that he owed all of the love his children had given him to his wife. He said that he felt he had never been a good father and was never really around a lot, but she continued to build him up for them, talked only good things about him, loved him no matter what, and for that he owed his children’s love.
When I was growing up, I remember my Mom saying my Dad was her superman. She would say she didn’t need a superhero to save her because she already had one. For quite awhile I honestly thought my Dad was a superhero. As I got older, I realized he was not really a super hero, but to this day he is still my hero. Now, my Dad was around a lot and there was no doubt in my sister’s and my mind that we were loved unconditionally by our Dad, but I also know that I have never heard my Mom say one bad thing about my Dad.
I really dislike hearing someone say a woman “belongs in the kitchen.” For some woman being a homemaker is their life choice. For some families, that works well and I am not saying they are wrong. It really does depend on the family. I hope my husband doesn’t expect a perfect homemaker because I know for a fact that I will never live up to those standards. Sorry, future husband.
Pastor John Piper, of Bethlehem Baptist Church, had a sermon on this verse (http://www.soundofgrace.com/piper89/6-11-89.htm). He points out that Paul states that a man and woman’s union (verse 32) is a mystery. Why? Paul answers it later in that verse by saying that marriage is an image of Christ and the church. Marriage’s deepest meaning had been partially concealed, until now. Pastor Piper goes on to say that marriage is like a metaphor or an image. It stands for the relationship between Christ and the church.
Verse 28-30 describes the parallel between Christ and the church being one body and husband and wife being one flesh. “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church-for we are members of his body.” So in a sense, what the husband does to his wife, he also does to himself.
Pastor John Piper states that when sin entered the world, it ruined the harmony of marriage NOT by bringing headship and submission into existence, but it twisted man’s humble, loving headship into aggressive control and/or apathy into men. It twisted woman’s intelligent, eager submission into either scheming obedience and/or shameless disobedience. Sin only distorted them. Therefore, headship is not a right to command or control. He says, as does the Bible, that the “husband’s role through headship is the responsibility to love like Christ; to lay down his life for his wife in servant leadership.”
Submission for the wife is not slavish, forced, or cowering. Christ would not want us to respond to his leadership in the church that way. He wants it to be free, willing, glad, refining, and strengthening.
The passage that Paul wrote does two things for us: 1. It protects against the corruption of headship by telling husbands to love like Jesus; as well as 2. It guards against the humiliations of submission by telling wives to respond the way the church does to Christ.
Headship, as Pastor Piper says, is the “divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like, servant leadership, protection, and provision for the home.”
Submission, he says, is the “divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.”
As said in Luke 22:26, (NIV) “But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves.” Or (KJV) “But ye shall not be so: but he that is greatest among you, let him be as the younger; and he that is chief, as he that doth serve.” Husbands are not to stop leading but turn all their leading into serving. The responsibility of leadership was given to him to build his family up, not himself.
Verse 21 says to submit out of reverence for Christ, or fear of God. Submission, thus, does not mean that the husband’s word is absolute, because only Christ’s word is absolute. No wife should follow her husband into sin. How is that in anyway in reverence to Christ? Pastor Piper goes on to say, “Submission does not mean no input on decisions, or influence on her husband. It does not come from ignorance or incompetence. It comes from what is fitting and appropriate (Col. 3:18) in God’s created order. It is an inclination of the will to say yes to his leadership and a disposition of the spirit to support his initiatives, because there are times that even the most submissive wife will hesitate at a husband’s decision.”
Husbands, unlike Christ, are liable to err and should admit it. Husbands should want their wives to be excited about the family decisions, just as Christ wants us to be excited about following him and not just follow reluctantly. Pastor Piper concluded, “Because when God designs a thing (like marriage) he designs it for his glory and our good.”
