The Cry of My Heart...

Hello.

So while I was at church at home over Fall break and then again at Cru last night, we sang the song "From The Inside Out" by Hillsong United. That is definitely one of my top 5 favorite Jesus songs...EVER. I get so excited every time they start singing it.

My heart and my soul, I give You control

Consume me from the inside out Lord

To love You from the inside out

Let justice and praise, become my embrace.

This verse gets me every time. It reminds me how hard it is to give God control of every aspect of my life; heart, soul, mind...

But every time I hear this verse a peace comes over me...it's hard to explain, but I love it and I feel like when I sing this verse God knows how much I love him even though, as a human, I am a complete failure at showing him.

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

From the inside out, O my soul cries out

And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise

This verse makes me get a tear in my eye every time. God's power and glory will go on forever when there is nothing left.

The 2nd 1/2 reminds me that there is a "God sized" hole in my heart. I know I need something, and so I try and fill it in with earthly things. All this time my heart has just been calling out to God and it knows that He is the only One who can fill that space perfectly and make all things right within me.

Hello.

“Whatever your past has been, you have a spotless future”

-Anonymous

It doesn't matter what I do right now...I think I am not far enough from my past for it to not keep haunting me. Everyday...the choices I made still come back and play into my present.

I'm not trying to completely forget my past, because how else am I supposed to learn, but I just want to move away from it...as far as possible. I hate how much I have hurt the people I care most about.

I am not one to look in the past. If something reminds me of the past, then yes, of course, I will think about it. But after something has happened I don't look back at it and turn it over in my head over and over again. Not everyone is like that, though. I don't get mad at people who hold onto things (I know everyone does...I am guilty sometimes), it just hurts when they hold onto what I've done and remind me how I hurt them. It will take time to move on, though, so I can't just say "move on"...I can't be upset.

I am not really sure how to convince anyone that I've changed. I know, I know...actions speak louder than words...but it seems like time isn't moving fast enough for me to have had a sufficient amount of time to prove that my heart is 100% ready to change and I am not who I was.

...

Hello.

What is required for effective change is continuity of sincere effort to release and let go of inefficient thought patterns from the past.

Doc Childre and Howard Martin

Hello.

...You just hope for answers.

Christmas List...

Hello.

I already have my Christmas list:

1. A Wii

2. A new camera

That is all.