Fears...

Hello.

Well, I have a few fears and lately they all decided to show up one right after the other. It's really cool. I enjoyed it a lot (I am most definitely being sarcastic).

I have this weird fear of being alone. I don't know why because I have never been alone and I know I never will be, but it's still this fear that sits in the back of my mind. I think it may stem from a fear of being left out or behind which has happened to me. It occurs when I am in a group of friends. There are 3 of us and some how I always end up being the one left out of inside jokes the other 2 have or left out of plans (maybe it isn't just me...maybe the other 2 feel that sometimes too and I am only feeling sorry for myself (which is a very good possibility...i'm not ruling it out)). I think part of it is also that it really truly happened once a long time ago (like elementary school with my 2 best friends) and I just have a big fear that it will happen again so I over think things, read into them too much, worry about it too much, and then think it may be happening when it really isn't.

I have a very big fear of clowns. Again, I have no idea why. They were recently (and for an extremely brief period of time) in a movie I watched and then they showed up again in a picture someone was showing me. I have no real reason to be afraid of clowns (at least none that I can remember). Every time I see one, though, my stomachs drops and I get really nauseous. I remember one time, a few years ago, I went to Valentino's with my aunt and uncle and there was a clown there giving out animal balloons and my cousin wanted one. So the clown came over and was making her one but I could not even look in the general direction of it and I started shaking a little bit and I thought I was going to be sick. I think at one point it asked if I wanted it to make me anything and I couldn't respond with words, I just shook my head and kept my eyes down.

My biggest fear is of spiders. The bigger they are the worse it is. My fear is definitely not as bad as my grandmother's though. There was one in my room the other day. My roommate and I screamed a little (woke up one of our suitemates which I still feel really bad about) and we had to get another girl to come in and squish it because we wouldn't go any further into our than the doorway until it was dead and gone. At the time it seemed huge, but when I think back, I don't think it was really all that big at all.