Can't We Just...

Hello.

So...there are some things I wished happened in life. Maybe not specifically just my life, but everyone's life in general.

No violence would be good...can't we just all get along?

That's not what this is about though...

#1-I kinda really wish everyone was a really good singer and dancer and we all sometimes just broke out into song and choreographed dance. I mean wouldn't that be great? You know like Improv Everywhere...when they all stop for 5 minutes...frozen? What if a group of 200 people like them, had a song, and choreographed a dance, and somewhere busy like Grand Central Station just broke out into song and dance? How freaking awesome would that be??

#2-If it can't be musical, then I wish life had background music. Sometimes I like to pretend my life has background music. Sometimes during something big or whatever, I sing the song in my head and pretend it's playing for whoever is watching my life happen at that moment (side note-when I was little I used to think the angels watched our lives like movies, always excited to see how the director (God) got us through situations, and they ate popcorn and everything (maybe mike and ikes too) and watched us on a big screen). Wanna know what my background music for my life is right now?

Relient K

"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been"

I watched the proverbial sunrise

Coming up over the Pacific and

You might think I'm losing my mind,

But I will shy away from the specifics...

'Cause I don't want you to know where I am

'Cause then you'll see my heart

In the saddest state it's ever been.

And this is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.

See that line. I never should have crossed it.

Stop right there. I never should have said that

It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.

I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.

I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again

'Cause who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been.

And I talk to absolutely no one.

Couldn't keep to myself enough.

And the things bottled inside have finally begun

To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

And I heard the reverberating footsteps

Sinking up to the beating of my heart,

And I was positive that unless I got myself together,

I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again

‘Cause then you'll see my heart

In the saddest state it's ever been.

And this is no place to try and live my life.

I'm sorry for the person I became.

I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.

I'm ready to try never become that way again

'Cause who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been.

It's kinda sad and happy at the same time...but this one too:

Sh-shawty who dat, who dat, you think always missing you

I-I-I cannot get enough of kissing you

I don't cry-y-y, ok I she'd a tear, or two

On the gri-i-ind, yeah, but girl ain't no forgetting you, cuz

Every minute, every second, every hour of the day

Iyiyi

Every hour of the day

Iyiyi

Everytime that I'm away

Iyiyi

Missing you, missing you

Every moment that is stolen, it can never be replaced

Iyiyi

Even if it's for a day

Iyiyi

I'm a text you up to say

Iyiyi

Missing you, missing you

Oh baby whenever I'm gone, I'm wishing I was back home

I can feel your heart when we're apart

Girl I'm on my way, trust every word I say

I can't wait to see your face

And when I said goodbye, I saw the tears in your eyes as you started to cry

I took your hand, and promised I'll be right back

Girl I'm coming right back to see you smile

So girl, what I gotta do to make you see

I mean what I say to you

I'll send you a picture, let you know I miss ya

Girl send me a kiss, I can't wait to see ya

Every minute, every second, every hour of the day

Iyiyi

Every hour of the day

Iyiyi

Everytime that I'm away

Iyiyi

Missing you, missing you

Every moment that is stolen, it can never be replaced

Iyiyi

Even if it's for a day

Iyiyi

I'm a text you up to say

Iyiyi

Missing you, missing you

Remember when we first met, I had to tell you that

I couldn't live without your love

Baby I must confess, we were the perfect match

You we're a gift sent from above

When you're thinking about me, text 1-4-3

That means I love you girl

I'll be your everything, and all you need

Oh baby, let your heart take the lead

Ooh, so girl, what I gotta do to make you see

I mean what I say to you

I'll send you a picture, let you know I miss ya

Girl send me a kiss, I can't wait to see ya

Every minute, every second, every hour of the day

Iyiyi

Every hour of the day

Iyiyi

Everytime that I'm away

Iyiyi

Missing you, missing you

Every moment that is stolen, it can never be replaced

Iyiyi

Even if it's for a day

Iyiyi

I'm a text you up to say

Iyiyi

Missing you, missing you

Lil mama, ain't nobody else, I need you girl

I-I-I got intentions just to please you girl

And I try-y-y, lady that's what you deserve

Superfly-y-y be more precious than a pearl

I can't li-i-ie, pictures in my living room

When I ri-i-ide, dashboard, digital

To the sky-y-y, so thankful that you're in my world

Do or di-i-ie, baby, I ain't kidding you

I don't wanna be your distant man

Tellin me I don't do enough for plans

I really can't afford to let it hit the fan

Girl, every minute I wanna hold your hand

Ain't no limit to the words I'm saying

I don't wanna rock with a brand new band

Just you, lil mama, that's grand

I've been all over the land, and

Every minute, every second, every hour of the day

Iyiyi

Every hour of the day

Iyiyi

Everytime that I'm away

Iyiyi

Missing you, missing you

Every moment that is stolen, it can never be replaced

Iyiyi

Even if it's for a day

Iyiyi

I'm a text you up to say

Iyiyi

Missing you, missing you

The Old and the New...

Hello.

So, some of my friends are saying that they want the old, fun Jaimie from last year. They say the new Jaimie is too different. Little do they know that this "new" is actually a better version of the old and the "old" that they talk about was actually the destructive new. I hope you followed that...it made sense in my head.

What I mean by the "'new' is actually a better version of the old" is....well, let me take you on my journey (in a very short summary):

I used to be this outgoing, fun girl. Somewhere in between 3rd and 4th grade I started kind of closing up. As I continued on in school I slowly became more and more closed up in myself...none of my friends were able to really see the real me. Senior year I started dating a guy. To be honest...I think he really got me through the rest of my school year. There are some things I wish never went down, and there were a lot of messy things, but he really did help me see how beautiful I really am, he taught me a lot about myself (even if it wasn't intentional). Freshman year of college was hard...we broke up half way through 2nd semester. I was still a very closed up person though...maybe not completely for the fact I was shy, but out of fear (that is a different story and I will not go into that). That summer I hung out with friends, worked, laid around, wasn't super exciting. Sophomore year I made some friends and I started hanging out and doing things I shouldn't. To be honest, I had almost become a monster...I was completely unable to feel anymore. I dated a guy for about a month, but...I was not ready for a relationship...I was not mature enough. I didn't care whose feelings I hurt, I didn't care about how much my sister cared about me and worried about me, I didn't care about anyone or anything. I didn't even cry when my dog died...at the time...I didn't really care (I do now and I miss my puppy a lot). I was becoming someone I wasn't but that is who all my new friends knew and they liked this fake girl. I also got very sick 2nd semester, but I'm not so sure that has a lot to do with my journey). Summer came around and it seemed like it was going to be any other summer...boring (minus when I went to the beach). I went back to Springfield for a month for a summer class and while down there I met someone. At the time I didn't think they would have any part in my life after I returned home. I was wrong. We continued to talk and they had a lot of things to say that really put my life and choices in perspective...it helped because they had been through the same thing I was currently going through. I know my sister had been talking to me over and over and giving me lots of speeches and talks and what not, but it really did help that it was someone who had experienced everything I was going through. Last year definitely helped me to be more outgoing, but I was still someone completely different. My friend helped me see I can stop doing what I was doing and still be outgoing and fun. I am having so much fun this year and I am not doing anything the same as last year and I love it. I thought I had a strong enough relationship with God to make good choices but clearly I was wrong and now I'm working on it. I am making the choices of the old Jaimie but I am not closed up in myself. I started reading my Bible (which has not been done in a loooong time and is much much overdue), I am really making an effort to go to church every week, I am making an effort to get involved in a bible study, and I am making an effort to get involved in Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) on campus.

See...just I'm just a better version of the old Jaimie now :)

Hello.

You are my song, and you are where I want to be.

Let Me...

Hello.

Let me turn and follow you, and never be the same.

Impossible...

Hello.

The other day I heard the song "Impossible" by Shontelle. I had heard it plenty of times before, but for whatever reason this time I really listened to the words. All of the sudden I had a flood of emotions and feelings that I haven't felt for about a year and half now. I didn't cry because I have no tears left to cry over that situation and what went down, but I started to feel sick to my stomach.

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

You apologized a year later, but that doesn't stop my mind from asking questions. They all said it would never last, they said it was impossible. Why couldn't we prove them wrong? Why couldn't I see the real you, when they all could?

Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love and words
Empty promises will wear
I know, I know

And now when all is gone
There is nothing to say
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them

Empty promises were something I knew all too well. Why did you feel the need to embarrass me after all was said and done? Your friend sent me nasty messages, blaming me for things I never did...I lost friends from our church because of things you had said about me...your mom emailed me blaming me for things...why did you do that?

Now that those questions have started, it'll take awhile for me to calm down again. Just because you apologized doesn't mean the hurt isn't still there.

Continuously...

Continuously learning a lesson I can’t get.

Just don’t give up on me yet.

I will always fall.

I will always fail.

Just don’t give up on me yet.

Continuously taking chances I shouldn’t take.

I don’t want your heart to break.

I will always fall.

I will always fail.

I don’t want your heart to break.

Continuously being someone who I am not.

I can’t give you what you want.

I will always fall.

I will always fail.

I can’t give you what you want.

Empty Words...

Hello.

Lately I've been hearing a lot of empty words. Boys just try the best pick up line they can think of that sounds cute, but then end up being just like the rest of the guys...not really interested in me, as a person. I want a guy that likes me for me, I want a guy who doesn't say the same thing to me like every other guy (just worded slightly different..."what's a cute girl like you doing single hanging out with a guy like me?" (not kidding i get that alllllll the time from guys)). So I was wondering why all I heard were empty words and was wondering where I could find a guy that would tell me something he meant, full of love and passion...

Let's just say I got a love letter:

My Child, You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1 I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2 I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3 Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31 For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27 In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28 For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28 I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5 I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12 You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16 I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26 You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14 I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13 And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6 I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44 I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16 And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1 Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1 I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11 For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48 Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17 For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33 My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11 Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3 My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18 And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17 I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40 For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5 I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41 And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3 If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29 Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13 I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20 For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18 As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11 One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4 And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4 I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23 For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26 He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3 He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31 And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10 I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32 If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23 And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39 Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7 I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15 My question is… Will you be my child? John 1:12-13 I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32 Love, Your Dad Almighty God