So, some of my friends are saying that they want the old, fun Jaimie from last year. They say the new Jaimie is too different. Little do they know that this "new" is actually a better version of the old and the "old" that they talk about was actually the destructive new. I hope you followed that...it made sense in my head.
What I mean by the "'new' is actually a better version of the old" is....well, let me take you on my journey (in a very short summary):
I used to be this outgoing, fun girl. Somewhere in between 3rd and 4th grade I started kind of closing up. As I continued on in school I slowly became more and more closed up in myself...none of my friends were able to really see the real me. Senior year I started dating a guy. To be honest...I think he really got me through the rest of my school year. There are some things I wish never went down, and there were a lot of messy things, but he really did help me see how beautiful I really am, he taught me a lot about myself (even if it wasn't intentional). Freshman year of college was hard...we broke up half way through 2nd semester. I was still a very closed up person though...maybe not completely for the fact I was shy, but out of fear (that is a different story and I will not go into that). That summer I hung out with friends, worked, laid around, wasn't super exciting. Sophomore year I made some friends and I started hanging out and doing things I shouldn't. To be honest, I had almost become a monster...I was completely unable to feel anymore. I dated a guy for about a month, but...I was not ready for a relationship...I was not mature enough. I didn't care whose feelings I hurt, I didn't care about how much my sister cared about me and worried about me, I didn't care about anyone or anything. I didn't even cry when my dog died...at the time...I didn't really care (I do now and I miss my puppy a lot). I was becoming someone I wasn't but that is who all my new friends knew and they liked this fake girl. I also got very sick 2nd semester, but I'm not so sure that has a lot to do with my journey). Summer came around and it seemed like it was going to be any other summer...boring (minus when I went to the beach). I went back to Springfield for a month for a summer class and while down there I met someone. At the time I didn't think they would have any part in my life after I returned home. I was wrong. We continued to talk and they had a lot of things to say that really put my life and choices in perspective...it helped because they had been through the same thing I was currently going through. I know my sister had been talking to me over and over and giving me lots of speeches and talks and what not, but it really did help that it was someone who had experienced everything I was going through. Last year definitely helped me to be more outgoing, but I was still someone completely different. My friend helped me see I can stop doing what I was doing and still be outgoing and fun. I am having so much fun this year and I am not doing anything the same as last year and I love it. I thought I had a strong enough relationship with God to make good choices but clearly I was wrong and now I'm working on it. I am making the choices of the old Jaimie but I am not closed up in myself. I started reading my Bible (which has not been done in a loooong time and is much much overdue), I am really making an effort to go to church every week, I am making an effort to get involved in a bible study, and I am making an effort to get involved in Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) on campus.
See...just I'm just a better version of the old Jaimie now :)
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